Communication 309

Fall 2009

Do people fall in love easier online than offline?

Hey Erica/Sis,

It’s me I just wanted to say hello. We haven’t talked in awhile so I thought I would write you. I always love getting letters in the mail. Speaking of love…I know this may sound a little tacky but I have some great news to tell you…no amazingly great news to tell you…I’m getting MARRIED!  I know it’s a shocker!  I was going to wait until the end of the letter to tell you but every time I try and write something down, the only thing I can seem to write out and talk about is “marriage”.  I know your jaw is probably to the floor right now, that’s the same expression Ma made too, LOL. But you have to believe me…its different this time. I am actually in love! I have never been able to truly say that before …and now, I can’t stop!  Now here comes the real shocker…I know your thinking, what can be more shocking than marriage?! Well…we met online.  That’s why I think that we are so great for each other. We really got to know one another first. Every time I see the words…”You’ve got Mail” I get so excited hoping it’s a message from him! I know more about him than I do my ex, Landon Donovan, and we were together for two years!  We can talk about anything; we are so open with each other.  Anyways, we have been talking for six months now and we officially met in person 4 months ago. I know it has been only a short amount of time that we have known each other but they say, “when you know, you know”.  So the date is set for next month. A winter wedding!  I expect to see the whole family there.  I know by now you probably have a million questions and wondering why online right?  That is precisely why I have written this letter.  This letter is going to explain how easily we both fell in love together online. Keep reading, you may just be surprised…

Cyber Romance, is there such thing? Many will say no, some will laugh at the idea, and few will believe it to be true.  I will first like to discuss the issues in which you are probably thinking in your head, the reasons against meeting someone online.  These are all of the doubts and negative connotations that go along with talking to someone online.  Then I will lead into the reasons in which this relationship will not only last, but it will flourish forever.  I will show you not only by credible resources, but by relational understanding as well.  By the time you are done reading this letter, you’ll be making a profile on Match.com!

So lets first discuss the issue with online profiles.  I am not just narrowing it down to dating websites like eHarmony or Yahoo!Personals, I will include all online social networks, like Facebook and MySpace as well.  All of these social networks are a way to communicate with people online. You may know some of the people you talk to, and others you may not know.  This is the part where people start to get a little weary, talking to people that you do not know.  This opens the door to many negative possibilities.  People automatically start thinking the worst, and I don’t blame them because there are a lot of weird people out there.  So I guess it is a good thing that people have their guard on rather than off.  We just have to know when to start letting our guard down and really get to know someone.  Really connecting to someone online takes time.  Some scholars will not agree with me and will go as far as to say that online dating is purely beneficial and its just another thing for us to do online.  “We shop online, pay bills, have class, and even order our pizza online (King, 2009).   This author states that we have turned to convenience rather than going out into the real world to have a face-to-face interaction.  I personally do feel that face-to-face interaction is key in a relationship, but not in the beginning stages.   This face-to-face contact can wait until you feel comfortable and feel ready to meet in person. There are two other negative associations that correlate to online dating that I would like to discuss; the issue of anonymity and trust.  Anonymity seems pessimistic because of the fact that you know nothing about the person other than what they put on their profile.  They are simply using Goffman’s impression management to show what they want people to see.  Erica, if you don’t know what impression management is, it is showing people what we want them to see about you.  In this case, people can be selfish and rude, but write about there positive qualities on there profile for people to see.  This can lead to a negative start to a relationship but on the other hand, that can happen when you meet someone in person as well right?  Remember that guy Joe you dated who seemed sweet and generous.  Then you found out he was cheating his way through school and committing tax fraud.  You met him in person and were still faced with this dilemma.  I also want to bring up the fact that anonymity can also have positive effects on people.  Rejection is a big reason why people do not want to go out and meet anyone.  Online on the other hand is a different story, “If rejection happens online, nobody knows” (King, 2009).

Now that I discussed some of the negatives that go along with dating online, I will now talk about the positives in meeting someone on the Internet.  You have the capability to be yourself (King, 2009).   You can be honest and say things that you may not have said out loud to another person in fear of embarrassment.  I almost see it as a way of online therapy.  You get to relieve your stress by talking it out with someone and not having to see him or her directly in person.  This also gives people the ability to feel more comfortable and confident.  People may feel this because appearance is not the sole factor when interacting with another individual.  They are able to form genuine relationships regardless of judgment on appearance (Hardie, 2006).

One theorist came up with a concept called social information processing (SIP).  This theorist was named Joseph Walther and his theory proposed, “parties who meet online can develop relationships just as close as those who have face-to-face interaction, it just takes longer” (Griffin, 2008).  I believe the only reason why it takes more time is because when you have face-to-face contact, you are in real time as opposed to delayed time when you write messages online.  By writing to that person more and more you are developing a close social relationship (Döring, 2002). You are able to take your time in getting to know someone without the pressures of a face-to-face contact.  There’s a trust bond that you develop, you are already starting the relationship off in a healthy direction by being truthful and writing what you truly feel and want to say without the notion of saving face.   My fiancé and I wrote to each other online for two months and then finally met in person.  This is the case in some online relationships.  They progress from online to off-line (Anderson, 2005).

So now that I told you the terrific news with a little bit of background on the whole situation, I want you to really think about it. Let it soak in and know that what I have in my life is special.  I want you and the family to be happy for us.  We both had never dated online before and now we found true love.  The funny thing is, I used to be one of those people who didn’t believe in finding love online. I thought that it was an unusual way to meet guys.  Then one of my friends from work started dating this guy online. She seemed so happy and was smiling all the time.  It was sickening! LOL, but now I know how she feels.  I would have never thought that I would meet the love of my life on an online website.

Love you lots, see you in January!

Erin Garcia,

Erin Garcia

References

Anderson, Traci L. (2005). Cyber Psychology and Behavior: Relationships Among Internet             Attitudes, Internet Use, Romantic Beliefs, and Perceptions of Online Romantic             Relationships.  8(6). 521-531.  Retrieved on December 1, 2009 from             http://www.liebertonline.com/doi/abs/10.1089/cpb.2005.8.521

Döring, N. (2002). Studying Online-Love and Cyber-Romance. In B. Batinic, U.-D. Reips

& M. Bosnjak (Eds.), Online Social Sciences (pp. 333-356). Seattle, Toronto,

Switzerland, Germany: Hogrefe & Huber Publishers. Retrieved on December 1, 2009             from  http://www.nicola-doering.de/publications/cyberlove_doering_2002.pdf

Griffin, Em. (2008). A first Look at Communication Theory. (138-140). McGraw hill

Hardie, Elizabeth, Buzwell, Simone. (2006). Australian Journal of Emerging Technologies and             Society: Finding Love Online: The Nature of Frequency of Australian Adults’ Internet             Relationships. 4(1) 1-14. Retrieved on December 3, 2009 from            http://www.swinburne.edu.au/hosting/ijets/journal/V4N1/pdf/v4n1-1-hardie.pdf

King, Aimee E., Austin-Oden, Deena, Lohr, Jeffrey M. (2009) Skeptic: Browsing for love in             all the wrong places. 15(1). Retrieved on December 4, 2009 from             http://web.ebscohost.com.libproxy.lib.csusb.edu/ehost/pdf?vid=8&hid=111&sid=150e            dfb7-5a3e-4590-a7c5-5e56694a462c%40sessionmgr114

Check out my YouTube video about me. The link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJ7Sh_83uC8

I’m not really sure why but just click on the “?” and you can see my photos…

Thanks for checking out my “About me” pics

So a little more about me…I have a big family, I am the middle child out of 6. Well my sister and I. I am an identical twin. She goes here too so you may see her on campus and think she’s me. My family and I are very close. I have a wonderful gorgeous boyfriend who I will have been with for 2 years now next week!

I am a big fan of T.V shows. Right now I’m into Entourage, Drop Dead Diva, Sex and the City and Friends re-runs.  I love comedy and drama movies. A good comedy  I recommend is “The Ugly Truth”, it is hillarious! I’ll occasionally watch a scary one, but only when its a really good one.

I like to eat sushi, drink wine, sleep, shop, go to a spa, relax, drink malibu dreams from Coffee Bean, eat 3 taco’s for a dollar from Del Taco on tuesdays, and go on vacation! Not particularly in that order but you get the idea.

I hope to achieve these goals someday…1) Take over Ryan Seacrests job. (Not all of them though, just his spot on E! and maybe host for American Idol)  2 ) Drive a Maserati (not just drive but have one)  3) Retire my parents

So now you know all about me , Erin Nicole Garcia. Thank you for reading